Hopeless Single? I am not.

When you reached 30's, people would expect you to be in a long term relationship, engaged, you are expecting and building your own family. How about the Singles in their 30's? Society sees them like a "leftover". People will feel pity about your status as what they think being single is directly proportional to being alone and lonely.

No! I strongly disagree with this assumption. Single is a blessing, not a burden. An opportunity to know yourself better, travel the places where you want to go and achieve the goals you have in mind. I am not against any relationship. What I am trying to convey here is to have respect with his/her decision because we don't know what they have been through.

Yes, I can't deny the fact that there was a time in a day you will feel alone and long for someone 's care and love but I believe there is always a right time and season in our lives. Trust Him. Savor the season where you are now my sweetheart.

Dear Well Guarded Self

I know you have never let anyone in completely because you're too guarded, too independent, and too reserved. Nobody has had the chance to reach you fully because you haven't let them. I think it's time to let yourself be free from the chain you had instilled years ago. 

Love is scary but love bravely anyway. Open your heart and love. Dismantle your walls. Lower your guard. Diminish any barrier standing your way. Love fiercely and fearlessly by not buying into the idea what love should be. Allow yourself to fall in love without a care in the world. 

I know life is full of uncertainties but don't let these uncertainties hinder you to love and be loved. Love even when worries consumed you. Love even when self-doubt creeps up to you that you're not enough or deserving of love. 

You have to open your heart and be comfortable with who you are and what you are. You have to give up your fears so that you can attain the love that is beyond your wildest dreams. Always choose love above all else. 

One-sided Love

Memories of you my love still vivid. It was year 2012 when I got this strange feelings for you, a hidden feelings for you by chance that you discovered. I never expected that infatuation turned to love that grew deeper. Since then, you are my inspiration and I gained strength from you.

As years goes by, I got to know you deeper and realised my position in your life. I even asked myself if those things you have shown is just pretention and you never loved me since from the start. But even I feel that way still I can't unlove you and I used to love you more and more because I thought that one day will come you will love me the way I wanted to be love. I love your smile, the way you look at me, your hugs, the way you hold me and everything about you.

However, time has come that you will realised that it was a one-sided love. It was a painful realisation and need to be accepted. I was never your priority and I am just that one person you will remember when you feel alone and lonely. You keep hurting me and I am idiot letting things to happened. I just love him. Blinded with love to the wrong person.

Now, I am letting myself be free from that one-sided love. I am running away from your shadow. I don't deserve to be treated that way. Despite the rejection, false assurance and pretention still my heart remained thankful for the time you spent with me, I got to experienced how to feel like a woman to be loved by the man whom I loved so much. I say goodbye to my great one-sided love and I say "hello" to my beloved "the one". I pray for moment we will meet my dear "the one", I am complete and fearless to love again like never been hurt before.

Para Sayo

Kung di lang rin ikaw, eh di wag na lang
madami nga dyan ngunit, ikaw ang sinisinta
ikaw ang sinisigaw ng puso kong nahihibang
bakit ba hirap ako pigilan ang nadarama?

Aanhin ang pag ibig ng iba?
kung sayo lang ako liligaya,
mahirap ba yung intindihin?
ikaw lang sigaw ng puso ko at wala ng iba.

Relasyong milya-milya ang distanya
mahirap at walang kasiguraduhan, ika nga nila
titiisin ko at maghihintay ako sinta
ako’y sayo at ikaw akin lamang.

Labis ang saya tuwing ikaw ay nakikita
dating nalulumbay kong puso biglang sumigla
bawat araw ay hinaharap ng may ngiti sa labi
inaasam ang makasama ka muli sa iyong pagbabalik.

To summed it up

I still remember the first day I had my duty in medical-surgical and OB ward was a “toxic” one. “Toxic” is an adjective or a term that we used pertaining to the situation that we encountered during our shift. I think in layman’s term are busy, irritable patients and family members, and patients who were in critical who need immediate care. It amazed me how I overcome that day and finished all my tasks. I even missed to eat my lunch and I don’t attend the birthday celebration of dear childhood friend who really expect my presence. Thanks to our new Resident on Duty, that time he was my Superman who saved me. Since then, we became friends----- “feeling close”. To my co-nurses and other staff who became my mentors and friends.

Wow! That was three months ago, and now nine days to go before the expiration of my contract in the hospital currently I am employed. That hospital molded me of being what I am now, from a novice nurse turned to be an advanced beginner. (Novice and advanced beginner are Benner:level of competency.) I learned a lot of things working in that hospital, on how to face different kinds of situation and how to deal with it. I encountered different kinds of people who possess unique personalities. In other word, this is the real world, the real battlefield where I need to be strong and brave in order to survive.

I am uncertain what would be my life after the expiration of my contract on that hospital. Is there any job opportunity waits for me in other hospital? Is there a renewal of contract in the said hospital? Who knows? God only knows what future brings into my life. This shows my worrier heart. I believed, God is faithful in my life, however, my human heart and mind worries everything. He answered my prayers and even gave beyond what I’ve asked. Why should I worry as what He promised on Jeremiah 29:11.

My favorites

As I walked to path of my profession, there are things that I loved to do. These things really inspire me and I can say molded me as a nurse and at the same time as a human being.

First, I really love to talked (chika) with my patient and family members. There is eagerness in me of knowing the reason of seeking health care attention. It is a sort of assessment in my patient.

Second, this task had a great responsible and you are accountable with your patient, administration of medication to my patient. In this part really takes my time and effort to rechecked, rechecked and rechecked. It reveals my obsessive-compulsive personality. In giving medicines you should know what the indication of the said medication based on the medical condition of the patient.

Third, doing the intravenous insertion to my patient. I just discovered this eagerness to learn and to become an expert to this task last June 2010. I really love to make “tusok-tusok”. I really love to do intravenous insertion. During intravenous insertion, I silently pray “Lord, kaisa lang unta nako matusokan akong patient. dapat in ko Lord para isa lang sakit.”(Lord, please just one attempt and I hope would be successful, for the less agony for my patient.) I know the feeling of my patient because I tried it to have intravenous insertion. It really smile me when I see back flow of blood on the needle and silently shout “Yes, naa dugo! in ko! hehehe” And made an assurance to the patient that I succeed “ tapos na po Ma’am/Sir.”

Hand of Anne. Our dummy during the intravenous therapy training.

Are you ready Anne?
Fourth, doing rounds with the attending physician or resident on duty. I really love to have rounds with attending physician because that time I learned a lot of things regarding my patient. During rounds, there is an opportunity the physician explain the present condition of the patient. That is sort of lecture in Pathophysiology of different kinds of diseases it helps me to understand the condition of my patient. And rounds with the resident on duty is my happy moment especially if my “crushie dokie” is the resident on duty. LOL! Nothing compares that moment. If my “crushie dokie” is on duty no worries I am not hesitant to refer any unusualities regarding my patient condition. Well, it’s an opportunity to talk with him on the phone.


Fourth, like the students in school who love break time, me too love break time- lunch time, snack time dinner time. I can’t deny the fact that I really love to eat especially chocolates. Since, I had my duty in ward, chocolates greatly help me to have energy because most of the time during my duty I skip meal because I am thinking of lot of things to do and there is no way to take a pause and eat my meal. Time is gold. I know skipping meals is not a good habit. It is unhealthy one.

Lastly, I love to receive food or gift of gratitude from our patients or simply there simple “thank you” and smile from there fades the exhaustion that I felt during the shift. It means they got satisfied on the nursing care that I gave to them.

welcome

i welcome myself on the blogging world.

these few days, i kept on thinking how can i release those stress i feel inside.
facebook.com seems not a safe place to confide with my emotions because i know a lot of people who knew me would read it. I discovered, rediscovered that i got a blogspot account. thanks! this is the safest site to confide.