the anesthetic persuade

Kung di lang rin ikaw, eh di wag na lang
madami nga dyan ngunit, ikaw ang sinisinta
ikaw ang sinisigaw ng puso kong nahihibang
bakit ba hirap ako pigilan ang nadarama?

Aanhin ang pag ibig ng iba?
kung sayo lang ako liligaya,
mahirap ba yung intindihin?
ikaw lang sigaw ng puso ko at wala ng iba.

Relasyong milya-milya ang distanya
mahirap at walang kasiguraduhan, ika nga nila
titiisin ko at maghihintay ako sinta
ako’y sayo at ikaw akin lamang.

Labis ang saya tuwing ikaw ay nakikita
dating nalulumbay kong puso biglang sumigla
bawat araw ay hinaharap ng may ngiti sa labi
inaasam ang makasama ka muli sa iyong pagbabalik.

I still remember the first day I had my duty in medical-surgical and OB ward was a “toxic” one. “Toxic” is an adjective or a term that we used pertaining to the situation that we encountered during our shift. I think in layman’s term are busy, irritable patients and family members, and patients who were in critical who need immediate care. It amazed me how I overcome that day and finished all my tasks. I even missed to eat my lunch and I don’t attend the birthday celebration of dear childhood friend who really expect my presence. Thanks to our new Resident on Duty, that time he was my Superman who saved me. Since then, we became friends----- “feeling close”. To my co-nurses and other staff who became my mentors and friends.

Wow! That was three months ago, and now nine days to go before the expiration of my contract in the hospital currently I am employed. That hospital molded me of being what I am now, from a novice nurse turned to be an advanced beginner. (Novice and advanced beginner are Benner:level of competency.) I learned a lot of things working in that hospital, on how to face different kinds of situation and how to deal with it. I encountered different kinds of people who possess unique personalities. In other word, this is the real world, the real battlefield where I need to be strong and brave in order to survive.

I am uncertain what would be my life after the expiration of my contract on that hospital. Is there any job opportunity waits for me in other hospital? Is there a renewal of contract in the said hospital? Who knows? God only knows what future brings into my life. This shows my worrier heart. I believed, God is faithful in my life, however, my human heart and mind worries everything. He answered my prayers and even gave beyond what I’ve asked. Why should I worry as what He promised on Jeremiah 29:11.

As I walked to path of my profession, there are things that I loved to do. These things really inspire me and I can say molded me as a nurse and at the same time as a human being.

First, I really love to talked (chika) with my patient and family members. There is eagerness in me of knowing the reason of seeking health care attention. It is a sort of assessment in my patient.

Second, this task had a great responsible and you are accountable with your patient, administration of medication to my patient. In this part really takes my time and effort to rechecked, rechecked and rechecked. It reveals my obsessive-compulsive personality. In giving medicines you should know what the indication of the said medication based on the medical condition of the patient.

Third, doing the intravenous insertion to my patient. I just discovered this eagerness to learn and to become an expert to this task last June 2010. I really love to make “tusok-tusok”. I really love to do intravenous insertion. During intravenous insertion, I silently pray “Lord, kaisa lang unta nako matusokan akong patient. dapat in ko Lord para isa lang sakit.”(Lord, please just one attempt and I hope would be successful, for the less agony for my patient.) I know the feeling of my patient because I tried it to have intravenous insertion. It really smile me when I see back flow of blood on the needle and silently shout “Yes, naa dugo! in ko! hehehe” And made an assurance to the patient that I succeed “ tapos na po Ma’am/Sir.”

Hand of Anne. Our dummy during the intravenous therapy training.

Are you ready Anne?
Fourth, doing rounds with the attending physician or resident on duty. I really love to have rounds with attending physician because that time I learned a lot of things regarding my patient. During rounds, there is an opportunity the physician explain the present condition of the patient. That is sort of lecture in Pathophysiology of different kinds of diseases it helps me to understand the condition of my patient. And rounds with the resident on duty is my happy moment especially if my “crushie dokie” is the resident on duty. LOL! Nothing compares that moment. If my “crushie dokie” is on duty no worries I am not hesitant to refer any unusualities regarding my patient condition. Well, it’s an opportunity to talk with him on the phone.


Fourth, like the students in school who love break time, me too love break time- lunch time, snack time dinner time. I can’t deny the fact that I really love to eat especially chocolates. Since, I had my duty in ward, chocolates greatly help me to have energy because most of the time during my duty I skip meal because I am thinking of lot of things to do and there is no way to take a pause and eat my meal. Time is gold. I know skipping meals is not a good habit. It is unhealthy one.

Lastly, I love to receive food or gift of gratitude from our patients or simply there simple “thank you” and smile from there fades the exhaustion that I felt during the shift. It means they got satisfied on the nursing care that I gave to them.

i welcome myself on the blogging world.

these few days, i kept on thinking how can i release those stress i feel inside.
facebook.com seems not a safe place to confide with my emotions because i know a lot of people who knew me would read it. I discovered, rediscovered that i got a blogspot account. thanks! this is the safest site to confide.

Today is the Philippine Nurses Licensure Exam and my classmates, friends and batch mates took the exam.
The 4 years of nursing college education and six months of review have been tested today and tomorrow. I know how it feel, for that, I'll posting a simple prayer for them.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, the source of life, knowledge and wisdom. I thank for the all the blessing You have bestowed each one of us.
Today and tomorrow is the PNLE November 2009.
I humbly pray that You'll extend Your goodness and faithfulness that You have shown on me when I took that board exam. Lord, I know its not easy but through Your holy presence and guidance nothing is impossible.
Prepare them Lord, mentally, emotionally, physically, the testing center, proctor, seats, everything Oh God.
I pray to Thee that You give the knowledge and wisdom to answer the exams, the courage to remove their fears and anxieties.
Lord, we claimed it as what You have promised oh God.
You know what their heart desires Oh God grant it.

Please be with them, guide them and be their source of strength.
Especially to my close friends namely June Harvey Flores, Lina Mae Abu-Makhboul, Charisse Joy Acacio, Ronnel Pascual, Gina Mahinay, Mitchelle Gabi, Mark Lawrence Po, Ronnie Niebres, Val Anthony Tuna and to all my classmates, batchmates and friends You know who they are Oh God.
They are Your future nurses, use them as instruments on Your healing ministry.

This I ask in Your mighty name our Lord Jesus Christ and savior.
Amen.

I just graduated last March 2009 and I immediately took up the PNLE last June 2009. I am grateful because I am one of the 737 new nurses in the Davao region. For me, my two months of review is not enough. During that time I really feel I don’t have enough knowledge to pass that licensure examination. It was like a story of David and Goliath. By God’s grace and glory I able to defeat that battle. The enduring moral support and ample prayers of my parents, relatives and friends it really helped me. I believe thank you is not enough to convey the gratitude inside my heart.

Now, I’m officially a registered nurse and I was given a privilege to use the “two magical letters” after my name these capital letters are R.N. It was an honor to have that title but there was big responsibility to take. I prepared myself on this but I can’t imagine how amazingly He answered my prayers for that instant.

I just want to share part of my prayer the night before the Nursing Licensure Examination:
“Heavenly Father, gracious and loving God. I thanked you for everything You have done for me. You gave everything and beyond on what I asked for. You really know what is best for me. Here I am again asking You to be with me on the day of my exam. Lord, I let You to be part of this big fight. I am not taking this exam just for myself but it is for You and for those who keep on believing in me that I can make it. Give me that opportunity to be part of Your healing ministry and that is by passing the board examination. I am nothing without You Lord. Help me Oh Lord. Prepare the testing center where I will take up the exam. Also, the proctor, my seat and everything Lord. Let me be a manifestation of Your greatness Oh Lord. This I asked in Your mighty name, my Lord and savior. Amen.”

I would like to extend my special thanks to my bestfriend. Thank you. You served as one of my inspiration. I prayed that someday I would extend my thanks to you personally too soon.

Lastly, I know passing the PNLE is not the end instead it just mere a beginning.

Mula noong nagtapos ako at kumaha ng board exam ay nasa bahay na lang ako. Tumutulong sa aking ina sa mga gawing bahay. Noong una, masaya ako sapangkat sa bahay lang walang iisipin pag natapos ko na ang gawian libre na akong gawin anuman ang gusto ko. Dumaan ang mga araw nakakabagot din pala yung ganun, namiss ko na gawin yung dati ko ginagawa busy busyhan kunwari.

Isang araw may kumatok sa aming bahay at may balitang dala. Ewan ko kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko kung matutuwa ako o ano ba. Kase ang totoo sa pagkakaalam ko hindi naman ako nag-apply dahil nga hinihintay ko ang result ng board exam.sa result na yun nakasalalay ang aking mga plano na gagawin ko dahil gusto ko talaga maging nurse at makahanap ng trabaho na angkop sa profession ko. Tungkol doon sa trabaho na dumating, hindi ko yun inaasahan nagulat na lang ako “may trabaho ka na!”, ano yun maging? At doon inamin ng nanay ko, pabiro pala niya sinabi sa isang kakilala niya na ipasok ako sa tinatrabahuan niya. Aaminin ko noong una nag-aalangan ako tanggapin ko yun. i said to myself, “why should I enter that kind of job? I earned a degree! Di ako nababagay sa trabahong yun! ano na lang ang iisipin ng mga tao.” Sa kabila pag alinlangan ko tinangggap ko ang trabaho ewan ko kung bakit. Dahil seguro nasilaw ako sa 265php/day na sahod na hindi ko makukuha kung nasa bahay lang ako.

Sa walong araw na naging “promo girl” ako sa isang tindahan ng roasted chicken, marami akong natutunan. Unang araw pa lang nakita ko kung gaano ako kasuwerte kung ano meron ako sa buhay. I just smiled and silently told Him, “Ikaw talaga Lord ha, thank YOU ulit pinapaalala mo sa akin na mahal mo nga ako. I see Your purpose.” Nakilala ko ang aking mga katrabaho at nakita ko sa kanila kung gaano kaimportante at talagang pinapahalagahan nila ang trabaho. Ako? wala lang. wala lang talaga ako magawa kaya naghahanap ng makakaabalahan. Dumaan ang mga araw nakilala ko sila at kung ano pamilya meron sila. Ang swerte swerte ko nga talaga.

Sa tindahan na pinagtatrabahuan ko may nakilala ako isang bata ang pangalan niya ay Romeo sampung taong gulang. Likas na nga sa akin ang magtanong kaya nakipagkwetuhan ako sa kanya. Noong una nag-aalangan siya pero nakuha ko naman ang loob niya. Nalaman ko na wala na siyang ama at namatay na rin kanyang nag-iisang kapatid. May buhay pa ang kanyang ina ngunit siya ay pinalayas sa kanila. Gusto ko siyang tulungan. Ang naisip kong tulong ay ang dalhin siya sa DSWD doon makakahanap siya ng bagong pamilya na mag-aaruga sa kanya. Doon makakapag-aaral at makakain siya ng tatlong beses sa isang araw at may meryenda pa. Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya na ayaw niya doon kase nga di na siya makapaglakwatsa. Nasambit ko sa aking sarili bakit ayaw niyang tulungan ang kanyang sarili? Masaya na siya sa ganoong kalagayan? Batid ko ang panganip kung habambuhay siya sa kalye. Baka baling araw maging isa siya sa mga matinik na krimenal sa aming lugar kaya masakit isipin na mangyayari yun dahil lang sa walang ginawa ang kanyang magulang at ang komunidad na dapat gumabay sa kanya. Hahayaan na lang ba na mangyari ang ganoon? Paano kung siya mismo ayaw niya tulungan ang kanyang sarili mula putikan kinasadlakan niya?

Si Toto, isang baliw o agent? Sa walong araw ko tindahan andoon siya araw-araw na tumatambay. Sinisimulan niya ang kanyang araw na maligo sa poso, tinatanong namen kung may sabon siya at dali-dali naman niyang sinasabi na wala kaya binibigyan naming siya. Pagkatapos noon hayun sa kanyang “daily routine”. He able to do his activity of daily living without any assistance. Tuloy nasambit ko baka nagpapanggap lang ang taong ito na baliw baka isa siyang “agent” at may mission siya. Naalala ko yung naging patient ko sa isang psychiatric institution. Masuwerte yung patient ko kasi yung pamilya niya ay may malasakit sakanya. May pag-asa pa siya gumaling. Si Toto? Paano siya? Walang pamilyang nag-aalaga. Mabuti na lang ay may mga taong nagbibigay ng pagkain sa kanya araw. Mabait si Toto kaya nga di ako natatakot sa kanya makipag-usap at ginamit ko sa kanya ang natutunan ko sa Psychiatric Nursing. Sa aking pakikipag-usap, batid ko na uhaw siya sa pag-aaruga ng kanyang pamilya kitang kita ko yun. Masakit isipin na sa halip na tulungan siya ay pinatatawan at inaalipusta siya. Sino ang baliw ngayon? Matatpos na lang seguro ang aking walong araw sa trabaho ngunit siya mananatiling ganoon. Sana matangpuan ka ng iyong pamilya o kaya may mabuting puso na dalhin ka sa pagamutan para gumaling ka.

I thank GOD for the opportunity to met those people for me to learn how to be humble despite with those blessings that I received from Him. I believed He really prepare me for a big blessing and take care of it. You knew LORD what I’m asking for and it made me feel so grateful because You have prepare a great plan for me. For the opportunity You gave me, You made to be a better person and be thankful for all the blessings and trials He gave. I love You LORD. The more I know You, the more I fall in love with You.