the lucky one

I just graduated last March 2009 and I immediately took up the PNLE last June 2009. I am grateful because I am one of the 737 new nurses in the Davao region. For me, my two months of review is not enough. During that time I really feel I don’t have enough knowledge to pass that licensure examination. It was like a story of David and Goliath. By God’s grace and glory I able to defeat that battle. The enduring moral support and ample prayers of my parents, relatives and friends it really helped me. I believe thank you is not enough to convey the gratitude inside my heart.

Now, I’m officially a registered nurse and I was given a privilege to use the “two magical letters” after my name these capital letters are R.N. It was an honor to have that title but there was big responsibility to take. I prepared myself on this but I can’t imagine how amazingly He answered my prayers for that instant.

I just want to share part of my prayer the night before the Nursing Licensure Examination:
“Heavenly Father, gracious and loving God. I thanked you for everything You have done for me. You gave everything and beyond on what I asked for. You really know what is best for me. Here I am again asking You to be with me on the day of my exam. Lord, I let You to be part of this big fight. I am not taking this exam just for myself but it is for You and for those who keep on believing in me that I can make it. Give me that opportunity to be part of Your healing ministry and that is by passing the board examination. I am nothing without You Lord. Help me Oh Lord. Prepare the testing center where I will take up the exam. Also, the proctor, my seat and everything Lord. Let me be a manifestation of Your greatness Oh Lord. This I asked in Your mighty name, my Lord and savior. Amen.”

I would like to extend my special thanks to my bestfriend. Thank you. You served as one of my inspiration. I prayed that someday I would extend my thanks to you personally too soon.

Lastly, I know passing the PNLE is not the end instead it just mere a beginning.

walong araw

Mula noong nagtapos ako at kumaha ng board exam ay nasa bahay na lang ako. Tumutulong sa aking ina sa mga gawing bahay. Noong una, masaya ako sapangkat sa bahay lang walang iisipin pag natapos ko na ang gawian libre na akong gawin anuman ang gusto ko. Dumaan ang mga araw nakakabagot din pala yung ganun, namiss ko na gawin yung dati ko ginagawa busy busyhan kunwari.

Isang araw may kumatok sa aming bahay at may balitang dala. Ewan ko kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko kung matutuwa ako o ano ba. Kase ang totoo sa pagkakaalam ko hindi naman ako nag-apply dahil nga hinihintay ko ang result ng board exam.sa result na yun nakasalalay ang aking mga plano na gagawin ko dahil gusto ko talaga maging nurse at makahanap ng trabaho na angkop sa profession ko. Tungkol doon sa trabaho na dumating, hindi ko yun inaasahan nagulat na lang ako “may trabaho ka na!”, ano yun maging? At doon inamin ng nanay ko, pabiro pala niya sinabi sa isang kakilala niya na ipasok ako sa tinatrabahuan niya. Aaminin ko noong una nag-aalangan ako tanggapin ko yun. i said to myself, “why should I enter that kind of job? I earned a degree! Di ako nababagay sa trabahong yun! ano na lang ang iisipin ng mga tao.” Sa kabila pag alinlangan ko tinangggap ko ang trabaho ewan ko kung bakit. Dahil seguro nasilaw ako sa 265php/day na sahod na hindi ko makukuha kung nasa bahay lang ako.

Sa walong araw na naging “promo girl” ako sa isang tindahan ng roasted chicken, marami akong natutunan. Unang araw pa lang nakita ko kung gaano ako kasuwerte kung ano meron ako sa buhay. I just smiled and silently told Him, “Ikaw talaga Lord ha, thank YOU ulit pinapaalala mo sa akin na mahal mo nga ako. I see Your purpose.” Nakilala ko ang aking mga katrabaho at nakita ko sa kanila kung gaano kaimportante at talagang pinapahalagahan nila ang trabaho. Ako? wala lang. wala lang talaga ako magawa kaya naghahanap ng makakaabalahan. Dumaan ang mga araw nakilala ko sila at kung ano pamilya meron sila. Ang swerte swerte ko nga talaga.

Sa tindahan na pinagtatrabahuan ko may nakilala ako isang bata ang pangalan niya ay Romeo sampung taong gulang. Likas na nga sa akin ang magtanong kaya nakipagkwetuhan ako sa kanya. Noong una nag-aalangan siya pero nakuha ko naman ang loob niya. Nalaman ko na wala na siyang ama at namatay na rin kanyang nag-iisang kapatid. May buhay pa ang kanyang ina ngunit siya ay pinalayas sa kanila. Gusto ko siyang tulungan. Ang naisip kong tulong ay ang dalhin siya sa DSWD doon makakahanap siya ng bagong pamilya na mag-aaruga sa kanya. Doon makakapag-aaral at makakain siya ng tatlong beses sa isang araw at may meryenda pa. Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya na ayaw niya doon kase nga di na siya makapaglakwatsa. Nasambit ko sa aking sarili bakit ayaw niyang tulungan ang kanyang sarili? Masaya na siya sa ganoong kalagayan? Batid ko ang panganip kung habambuhay siya sa kalye. Baka baling araw maging isa siya sa mga matinik na krimenal sa aming lugar kaya masakit isipin na mangyayari yun dahil lang sa walang ginawa ang kanyang magulang at ang komunidad na dapat gumabay sa kanya. Hahayaan na lang ba na mangyari ang ganoon? Paano kung siya mismo ayaw niya tulungan ang kanyang sarili mula putikan kinasadlakan niya?

Si Toto, isang baliw o agent? Sa walong araw ko tindahan andoon siya araw-araw na tumatambay. Sinisimulan niya ang kanyang araw na maligo sa poso, tinatanong namen kung may sabon siya at dali-dali naman niyang sinasabi na wala kaya binibigyan naming siya. Pagkatapos noon hayun sa kanyang “daily routine”. He able to do his activity of daily living without any assistance. Tuloy nasambit ko baka nagpapanggap lang ang taong ito na baliw baka isa siyang “agent” at may mission siya. Naalala ko yung naging patient ko sa isang psychiatric institution. Masuwerte yung patient ko kasi yung pamilya niya ay may malasakit sakanya. May pag-asa pa siya gumaling. Si Toto? Paano siya? Walang pamilyang nag-aalaga. Mabuti na lang ay may mga taong nagbibigay ng pagkain sa kanya araw. Mabait si Toto kaya nga di ako natatakot sa kanya makipag-usap at ginamit ko sa kanya ang natutunan ko sa Psychiatric Nursing. Sa aking pakikipag-usap, batid ko na uhaw siya sa pag-aaruga ng kanyang pamilya kitang kita ko yun. Masakit isipin na sa halip na tulungan siya ay pinatatawan at inaalipusta siya. Sino ang baliw ngayon? Matatpos na lang seguro ang aking walong araw sa trabaho ngunit siya mananatiling ganoon. Sana matangpuan ka ng iyong pamilya o kaya may mabuting puso na dalhin ka sa pagamutan para gumaling ka.

I thank GOD for the opportunity to met those people for me to learn how to be humble despite with those blessings that I received from Him. I believed He really prepare me for a big blessing and take care of it. You knew LORD what I’m asking for and it made me feel so grateful because You have prepare a great plan for me. For the opportunity You gave me, You made to be a better person and be thankful for all the blessings and trials He gave. I love You LORD. The more I know You, the more I fall in love with You.

Bago Kong Pag-ibig!

curious? Well, this blog post is just for my new crush. He is Zanjoe Marudo. I find him cute- the way he smile and stare. Parang nakita ko na siya personally no? oo, nakita ko na siya sa television! Right now, siya ang crush ko na artista. Tall, dark and handsome. Goodbye to Dingdong Dantes! Di ko na siya crush. Di na kasi siya tulad nung dati na chubby and I find him that time “cutie”.

“The Wedding” his new show with Anne Curtis and Derek Ramsey. Nakakakilig siya kahit paano.

Eyeglasses

Nearsighted. Right eye 70/20. Left eye 50/20.

This problem started when I was in first year college. I had difficulty reading things in far distance. The worst thing was I’m always at the back because of “ALPHABETICAL” seating arrangement! What would I expect my surname is always on the bottom of the class list! It seemed so difficult to copy notes either on the powerpoint presentation or visual aid in the blackboard. However, my classmates particularly my seat mates was understanding, while they were making their notes they also read it for or I simply borrow their notes for me to copy. I found this friend of mine my “mate”- classmate, seat mate and group mate. We are inseparable! Thanks to her for 12 months she was my eyeglasses.

I decided that I do something about it! I told my Mama that I want have an eye consultation and bought me eyeglasses. After that everything so fine and can see clearly with the used of eyeglasses.

Until now still I’m using my eyeglasses but that often. Sometimes I just leave it. There was an instance my friend thought me that I’m snob because I didn’t approach her when she found me and calls my name. I heard someone call my name but I didn’t recognized that she was calling me. “nung malapit na ako sa kanya sabi niya, grabe ka Grace tawag ako ng tawag sayo di mo man lang ako narecognize na ako yung tumatawag sayo” I apologized for that. “sorry po. nakita kita pero di ko alam na ikaw pala yan ngayon ko lang napagtanto na Makita kita sa malapitan.” One reason why didn’t wearing it outside because it looks I’m intelligent, knows everything which I’m not.

Now, I’m wishing to have contact lens it seems more comfortable and convenient to wear. Soon!

Ghost of the past

I hope this would be my last blog post for my dear special someone.
When I had my review last summer, I was preoccupied that he (J*****) will arrive from Manila. I was in Davao City that time for my review still there moments that I remember him and even asked myself if he is fine, if he is happy or sad, if there something bother him and I hope he is with someone who cared and loved him as much I did. I can’t resist on it I just miss you “Chum” (name that I used to call him) and I want to see you for the last time.

I made silly thing! I made an excuse just to go home to see him. Saturday night I went home for the reason I have: first I want to attend a Sunday mass in my home church and second to elucidate if he got home already. Exactly! He was there with his family attended the mass. Gushong! I see each other again. It was my awaited moment, sad to say he didn’t even smile on me or says a simple hi or hello.

I think there are some who didn’t understand why I can’t let go with the feelings I had for him simply because I can’t find any reason to forget my feelings with him or hate him for me to forget him easily. What he did that moment made me wake up in my longest dream and realized that it hurts me a lot. Pain scale of 10/10! There’s no reason to hold on with the past memories we have together. Now, it’s time to go. I hope it would not be too late. There were some who shown me love and care like you did for me but still I chose you. From the start I was unjust to myself because I didn’t give a chance to be free from that chain.

****written last May

what, me WORRY?

I examined myself last night, how fine I am. Then I realized I am sick, very sick! I cried out loud in Him and confessed what I really feel. He knows everything about what inside my heart and mind. I am bombarded of anxious thoughts. I hate to admit that I’m a worrier. And precisely because there a lot of people like me, Jesus addressed this problem in Matthew 6:25-34 when He said: “Don’t worry about the basic needs of life-food, clothing, shelter –and don’t worry about tomorrow. Worry may be a symptom of a bigger problem. Sometimes it’s a lack of gratitude for the way God has cared for us in the past. Or perhaps it’s a lack of faith that God really is trustworthy. Or it may be a refusal to depend on God instead of ourselves.

Deep inside my heart I believe this things I experience right now just mere a test of faith. I can’t help it to thank Him and praise His name because He shown His love and care to me. Every trials I encountered, He always there for me as a source of strength and encourage to fight. He guides me where to go, assist me when I feel weak and lifted me when I stumble. Amazing! He really works! He never fails us and I felt guilty about it.

Someone shared me this wonderful SMS, a prayer that I think really designed for me to pray to Him. It said:
“Lord, thank You for Your infinite love that meet our every need and provides all the beautiful, wonderful things we experience in life. Release our hearts and minds from anger, fear and worry. Fill us with your peace, as we learn to fully trust in Your provision. Help us to do all that we are capable of and the rest, we entrust to you. In God’s name, we pray, Amen.

--------------this blog post written last July 1, 2009 Wednesday--------------

story of trust

A poor man prayed in earnest for his family. “Lord, we have depended so much on the kindness of others, now we seek a home to call our own. As you know, my body has become weak from this terrible illness which has finally left me and I have leaned so much on others that I don’t even know if I can stand on my own. I ask you , God, for the strength of body and spirit, wisdom, and to help provide a home for my darling wife and children.”

A tear fell down from the man’s eye.

A few days later, a kind and elderly widow heard of this father’s plight. “I have a plot of land you may have to build upon, but it is sorely overgrown with thick brush, trees, and large rocks. I will gladly give it to you, but it will be a laborsome undertaking”, she said. The man also knew this, yet he accepted the widow’s generous offer, knowing such an opportunity might not again pass. The man stood afar and surveyed his newly gained property. Looking up, he smiled and said, “Lord, I asked You for a home and You give me this gnarled forest? I will trust and be thankful for the gift before me.”

Several days into major undertaking of leveling the land off, the man slumped against the twentieth tree he cut by hand. Sweat poured from his body, which was covered by ruddy brown earth. “Lord!” he shouted, “Why did You choose this God-forsaken plot of land? Is this my punishment for not taking care of my family while sick these last few years? Is this type of loving God You are?” Exasperated, the man clenched his fist and went back to work, muttering to himself, “I will continue to trust.”

Several months past. Upon resting under the final tree to be removed, the man looked about him in wonder. Before him stood a beautiful plot of land to build a home. The lush forest surrounding the leveled area would provide good protection from the cold winter winds and offer an abundant supply of firewood to keep warm. In a large pile next to the leveled earth, were neatly stacked tree trunks. They would make excellent logs to build a cabin. Ashamed for thinking God had left him in his most dire time of need, the man rested his head in his hands. Suddenly, he looked in to his palms. These were not the same weak hands that could barely grasp a cup to drink from. Instead, they were strong and fit, as was the rest of his body from the many months of hard physical labor. The man looked up and smiled, saying, “My dear God, thank you. You answered my prayer, even in my worst moments of doubt. You took my weakness and turned it into strength and my lack of understanding, into wisdom. I will rest a while now, and begin to build my family a house.”