Thursday, January 14, 2016

One-sided Love

Memories of you my love still vivid. It was year 2012 when I got this strange feelings for you, a hidden feelings for you by chance that you discovered. I never expected that infatuation turned to love that grew deeper. Since then, you are my inspiration and I gained strength from you.

As years goes by, I got to know you deeper and realised my position in your life. I even asked myself if those things you have shown is just pretention and you never loved me since from the start. But even I feel that way still I can't unlove you and I used to love you more and more because I thought that one day will come you will love me the way I wanted to be love. I love your smile, the way you look at me, your hugs, the way you hold me and everything about you.

However, time has come that you will realised that it was a one-sided love. It was a painful realisation and need to be accepted. I was never your priority and I am just that one person you will remember when you feel alone and lonely. You keep hurting me and I am idiot letting things to happened. I just love him. Blinded with love to the wrong person.

Now, I am letting myself be free from that one-sided love. I am running away from your shadow. I don't deserve to be treated that way. Despite the rejection, false assurance and pretention still my heart remained thankful for the time you spent with me, I got to experienced how to feel like a woman to be loved by the man whom I loved so much. I say goodbye to my great one-sided love and I say "hello" to my beloved "the one". I pray for moment we will meet my dear "the one", I am complete and fearless to love again like never been hurt before.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Para Sayo

Kung di lang rin ikaw, eh di wag na lang
madami nga dyan ngunit, ikaw ang sinisinta
ikaw ang sinisigaw ng puso kong nahihibang
bakit ba hirap ako pigilan ang nadarama?

Aanhin ang pag ibig ng iba?
kung sayo lang ako liligaya,
mahirap ba yung intindihin?
ikaw lang sigaw ng puso ko at wala ng iba.

Relasyong milya-milya ang distanya
mahirap at walang kasiguraduhan, ika nga nila
titiisin ko at maghihintay ako sinta
ako’y sayo at ikaw akin lamang.

Labis ang saya tuwing ikaw ay nakikita
dating nalulumbay kong puso biglang sumigla
bawat araw ay hinaharap ng may ngiti sa labi
inaasam ang makasama ka muli sa iyong pagbabalik.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

To summed it up

I still remember the first day I had my duty in medical-surgical and OB ward was a “toxic” one. “Toxic” is an adjective or a term that we used pertaining to the situation that we encountered during our shift. I think in layman’s term are busy, irritable patients and family members, and patients who were in critical who need immediate care. It amazed me how I overcome that day and finished all my tasks. I even missed to eat my lunch and I don’t attend the birthday celebration of dear childhood friend who really expect my presence. Thanks to our new Resident on Duty, that time he was my Superman who saved me. Since then, we became friends----- “feeling close”. To my co-nurses and other staff who became my mentors and friends.

Wow! That was three months ago, and now nine days to go before the expiration of my contract in the hospital currently I am employed. That hospital molded me of being what I am now, from a novice nurse turned to be an advanced beginner. (Novice and advanced beginner are Benner:level of competency.) I learned a lot of things working in that hospital, on how to face different kinds of situation and how to deal with it. I encountered different kinds of people who possess unique personalities. In other word, this is the real world, the real battlefield where I need to be strong and brave in order to survive.

I am uncertain what would be my life after the expiration of my contract on that hospital. Is there any job opportunity waits for me in other hospital? Is there a renewal of contract in the said hospital? Who knows? God only knows what future brings into my life. This shows my worrier heart. I believed, God is faithful in my life, however, my human heart and mind worries everything. He answered my prayers and even gave beyond what I’ve asked. Why should I worry as what He promised on Jeremiah 29:11.

My favorites

As I walked to path of my profession, there are things that I loved to do. These things really inspire me and I can say molded me as a nurse and at the same time as a human being.

First, I really love to talked (chika) with my patient and family members. There is eagerness in me of knowing the reason of seeking health care attention. It is a sort of assessment in my patient.

Second, this task had a great responsible and you are accountable with your patient, administration of medication to my patient. In this part really takes my time and effort to rechecked, rechecked and rechecked. It reveals my obsessive-compulsive personality. In giving medicines you should know what the indication of the said medication based on the medical condition of the patient.

Third, doing the intravenous insertion to my patient. I just discovered this eagerness to learn and to become an expert to this task last June 2010. I really love to make “tusok-tusok”. I really love to do intravenous insertion. During intravenous insertion, I silently pray “Lord, kaisa lang unta nako matusokan akong patient. dapat in ko Lord para isa lang sakit.”(Lord, please just one attempt and I hope would be successful, for the less agony for my patient.) I know the feeling of my patient because I tried it to have intravenous insertion. It really smile me when I see back flow of blood on the needle and silently shout “Yes, naa dugo! in ko! hehehe” And made an assurance to the patient that I succeed “ tapos na po Ma’am/Sir.”

Hand of Anne. Our dummy during the intravenous therapy training.

Are you ready Anne?
Fourth, doing rounds with the attending physician or resident on duty. I really love to have rounds with attending physician because that time I learned a lot of things regarding my patient. During rounds, there is an opportunity the physician explain the present condition of the patient. That is sort of lecture in Pathophysiology of different kinds of diseases it helps me to understand the condition of my patient. And rounds with the resident on duty is my happy moment especially if my “crushie dokie” is the resident on duty. LOL! Nothing compares that moment. If my “crushie dokie” is on duty no worries I am not hesitant to refer any unusualities regarding my patient condition. Well, it’s an opportunity to talk with him on the phone.


Fourth, like the students in school who love break time, me too love break time- lunch time, snack time dinner time. I can’t deny the fact that I really love to eat especially chocolates. Since, I had my duty in ward, chocolates greatly help me to have energy because most of the time during my duty I skip meal because I am thinking of lot of things to do and there is no way to take a pause and eat my meal. Time is gold. I know skipping meals is not a good habit. It is unhealthy one.

Lastly, I love to receive food or gift of gratitude from our patients or simply there simple “thank you” and smile from there fades the exhaustion that I felt during the shift. It means they got satisfied on the nursing care that I gave to them.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

welcome

i welcome myself on the blogging world.

these few days, i kept on thinking how can i release those stress i feel inside.
facebook.com seems not a safe place to confide with my emotions because i know a lot of people who knew me would read it. I discovered, rediscovered that i got a blogspot account. thanks! this is the safest site to confide.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Prayer for the upcoming new nurses

Today is the Philippine Nurses Licensure Exam and my classmates, friends and batch mates took the exam.
The 4 years of nursing college education and six months of review have been tested today and tomorrow. I know how it feel, for that, I'll posting a simple prayer for them.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, the source of life, knowledge and wisdom. I thank for the all the blessing You have bestowed each one of us.
Today and tomorrow is the PNLE November 2009.
I humbly pray that You'll extend Your goodness and faithfulness that You have shown on me when I took that board exam. Lord, I know its not easy but through Your holy presence and guidance nothing is impossible.
Prepare them Lord, mentally, emotionally, physically, the testing center, proctor, seats, everything Oh God.
I pray to Thee that You give the knowledge and wisdom to answer the exams, the courage to remove their fears and anxieties.
Lord, we claimed it as what You have promised oh God.
You know what their heart desires Oh God grant it.

Please be with them, guide them and be their source of strength.
Especially to my close friends namely June Harvey Flores, Lina Mae Abu-Makhboul, Charisse Joy Acacio, Ronnel Pascual, Gina Mahinay, Mitchelle Gabi, Mark Lawrence Po, Ronnie Niebres, Val Anthony Tuna and to all my classmates, batchmates and friends You know who they are Oh God.
They are Your future nurses, use them as instruments on Your healing ministry.

This I ask in Your mighty name our Lord Jesus Christ and savior.
Amen.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

the lucky one

I just graduated last March 2009 and I immediately took up the PNLE last June 2009. I am grateful because I am one of the 737 new nurses in the Davao region. For me, my two months of review is not enough. During that time I really feel I don’t have enough knowledge to pass that licensure examination. It was like a story of David and Goliath. By God’s grace and glory I able to defeat that battle. The enduring moral support and ample prayers of my parents, relatives and friends it really helped me. I believe thank you is not enough to convey the gratitude inside my heart.

Now, I’m officially a registered nurse and I was given a privilege to use the “two magical letters” after my name these capital letters are R.N. It was an honor to have that title but there was big responsibility to take. I prepared myself on this but I can’t imagine how amazingly He answered my prayers for that instant.

I just want to share part of my prayer the night before the Nursing Licensure Examination:
“Heavenly Father, gracious and loving God. I thanked you for everything You have done for me. You gave everything and beyond on what I asked for. You really know what is best for me. Here I am again asking You to be with me on the day of my exam. Lord, I let You to be part of this big fight. I am not taking this exam just for myself but it is for You and for those who keep on believing in me that I can make it. Give me that opportunity to be part of Your healing ministry and that is by passing the board examination. I am nothing without You Lord. Help me Oh Lord. Prepare the testing center where I will take up the exam. Also, the proctor, my seat and everything Lord. Let me be a manifestation of Your greatness Oh Lord. This I asked in Your mighty name, my Lord and savior. Amen.”

I would like to extend my special thanks to my bestfriend. Thank you. You served as one of my inspiration. I prayed that someday I would extend my thanks to you personally too soon.

Lastly, I know passing the PNLE is not the end instead it just mere a beginning.