Sunday, November 29, 2009

Today is the Philippine Nurses Licensure Exam and my classmates, friends and batch mates took the exam.
The 4 years of nursing college education and six months of review have been tested today and tomorrow. I know how it feel, for that, I'll posting a simple prayer for them.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, the source of life, knowledge and wisdom. I thank for the all the blessing You have bestowed each one of us.
Today and tomorrow is the PNLE November 2009.
I humbly pray that You'll extend Your goodness and faithfulness that You have shown on me when I took that board exam. Lord, I know its not easy but through Your holy presence and guidance nothing is impossible.
Prepare them Lord, mentally, emotionally, physically, the testing center, proctor, seats, everything Oh God.
I pray to Thee that You give the knowledge and wisdom to answer the exams, the courage to remove their fears and anxieties.
Lord, we claimed it as what You have promised oh God.
You know what their heart desires Oh God grant it.

Please be with them, guide them and be their source of strength.
Especially to my close friends namely June Harvey Flores, Lina Mae Abu-Makhboul, Charisse Joy Acacio, Ronnel Pascual, Gina Mahinay, Mitchelle Gabi, Mark Lawrence Po, Ronnie Niebres, Val Anthony Tuna and to all my classmates, batchmates and friends You know who they are Oh God.
They are Your future nurses, use them as instruments on Your healing ministry.

This I ask in Your mighty name our Lord Jesus Christ and savior.
Amen.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

the lucky one

I just graduated last March 2009 and I immediately took up the PNLE last June 2009. I am grateful because I am one of the 737 new nurses in the Davao region. For me, my two months of review is not enough. During that time I really feel I don’t have enough knowledge to pass that licensure examination. It was like a story of David and Goliath. By God’s grace and glory I able to defeat that battle. The enduring moral support and ample prayers of my parents, relatives and friends it really helped me. I believe thank you is not enough to convey the gratitude inside my heart.

Now, I’m officially a registered nurse and I was given a privilege to use the “two magical letters” after my name these capital letters are R.N. It was an honor to have that title but there was big responsibility to take. I prepared myself on this but I can’t imagine how amazingly He answered my prayers for that instant.

I just want to share part of my prayer the night before the Nursing Licensure Examination:
“Heavenly Father, gracious and loving God. I thanked you for everything You have done for me. You gave everything and beyond on what I asked for. You really know what is best for me. Here I am again asking You to be with me on the day of my exam. Lord, I let You to be part of this big fight. I am not taking this exam just for myself but it is for You and for those who keep on believing in me that I can make it. Give me that opportunity to be part of Your healing ministry and that is by passing the board examination. I am nothing without You Lord. Help me Oh Lord. Prepare the testing center where I will take up the exam. Also, the proctor, my seat and everything Lord. Let me be a manifestation of Your greatness Oh Lord. This I asked in Your mighty name, my Lord and savior. Amen.”

I would like to extend my special thanks to my bestfriend. Thank you. You served as one of my inspiration. I prayed that someday I would extend my thanks to you personally too soon.

Lastly, I know passing the PNLE is not the end instead it just mere a beginning.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

walong araw

Mula noong nagtapos ako at kumaha ng board exam ay nasa bahay na lang ako. Tumutulong sa aking ina sa mga gawing bahay. Noong una, masaya ako sapangkat sa bahay lang walang iisipin pag natapos ko na ang gawian libre na akong gawin anuman ang gusto ko. Dumaan ang mga araw nakakabagot din pala yung ganun, namiss ko na gawin yung dati ko ginagawa busy busyhan kunwari.

Isang araw may kumatok sa aming bahay at may balitang dala. Ewan ko kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko kung matutuwa ako o ano ba. Kase ang totoo sa pagkakaalam ko hindi naman ako nag-apply dahil nga hinihintay ko ang result ng board exam.sa result na yun nakasalalay ang aking mga plano na gagawin ko dahil gusto ko talaga maging nurse at makahanap ng trabaho na angkop sa profession ko. Tungkol doon sa trabaho na dumating, hindi ko yun inaasahan nagulat na lang ako “may trabaho ka na!”, ano yun maging? At doon inamin ng nanay ko, pabiro pala niya sinabi sa isang kakilala niya na ipasok ako sa tinatrabahuan niya. Aaminin ko noong una nag-aalangan ako tanggapin ko yun. i said to myself, “why should I enter that kind of job? I earned a degree! Di ako nababagay sa trabahong yun! ano na lang ang iisipin ng mga tao.” Sa kabila pag alinlangan ko tinangggap ko ang trabaho ewan ko kung bakit. Dahil seguro nasilaw ako sa 265php/day na sahod na hindi ko makukuha kung nasa bahay lang ako.

Sa walong araw na naging “promo girl” ako sa isang tindahan ng roasted chicken, marami akong natutunan. Unang araw pa lang nakita ko kung gaano ako kasuwerte kung ano meron ako sa buhay. I just smiled and silently told Him, “Ikaw talaga Lord ha, thank YOU ulit pinapaalala mo sa akin na mahal mo nga ako. I see Your purpose.” Nakilala ko ang aking mga katrabaho at nakita ko sa kanila kung gaano kaimportante at talagang pinapahalagahan nila ang trabaho. Ako? wala lang. wala lang talaga ako magawa kaya naghahanap ng makakaabalahan. Dumaan ang mga araw nakilala ko sila at kung ano pamilya meron sila. Ang swerte swerte ko nga talaga.

Sa tindahan na pinagtatrabahuan ko may nakilala ako isang bata ang pangalan niya ay Romeo sampung taong gulang. Likas na nga sa akin ang magtanong kaya nakipagkwetuhan ako sa kanya. Noong una nag-aalangan siya pero nakuha ko naman ang loob niya. Nalaman ko na wala na siyang ama at namatay na rin kanyang nag-iisang kapatid. May buhay pa ang kanyang ina ngunit siya ay pinalayas sa kanila. Gusto ko siyang tulungan. Ang naisip kong tulong ay ang dalhin siya sa DSWD doon makakahanap siya ng bagong pamilya na mag-aaruga sa kanya. Doon makakapag-aaral at makakain siya ng tatlong beses sa isang araw at may meryenda pa. Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya na ayaw niya doon kase nga di na siya makapaglakwatsa. Nasambit ko sa aking sarili bakit ayaw niyang tulungan ang kanyang sarili? Masaya na siya sa ganoong kalagayan? Batid ko ang panganip kung habambuhay siya sa kalye. Baka baling araw maging isa siya sa mga matinik na krimenal sa aming lugar kaya masakit isipin na mangyayari yun dahil lang sa walang ginawa ang kanyang magulang at ang komunidad na dapat gumabay sa kanya. Hahayaan na lang ba na mangyari ang ganoon? Paano kung siya mismo ayaw niya tulungan ang kanyang sarili mula putikan kinasadlakan niya?

Si Toto, isang baliw o agent? Sa walong araw ko tindahan andoon siya araw-araw na tumatambay. Sinisimulan niya ang kanyang araw na maligo sa poso, tinatanong namen kung may sabon siya at dali-dali naman niyang sinasabi na wala kaya binibigyan naming siya. Pagkatapos noon hayun sa kanyang “daily routine”. He able to do his activity of daily living without any assistance. Tuloy nasambit ko baka nagpapanggap lang ang taong ito na baliw baka isa siyang “agent” at may mission siya. Naalala ko yung naging patient ko sa isang psychiatric institution. Masuwerte yung patient ko kasi yung pamilya niya ay may malasakit sakanya. May pag-asa pa siya gumaling. Si Toto? Paano siya? Walang pamilyang nag-aalaga. Mabuti na lang ay may mga taong nagbibigay ng pagkain sa kanya araw. Mabait si Toto kaya nga di ako natatakot sa kanya makipag-usap at ginamit ko sa kanya ang natutunan ko sa Psychiatric Nursing. Sa aking pakikipag-usap, batid ko na uhaw siya sa pag-aaruga ng kanyang pamilya kitang kita ko yun. Masakit isipin na sa halip na tulungan siya ay pinatatawan at inaalipusta siya. Sino ang baliw ngayon? Matatpos na lang seguro ang aking walong araw sa trabaho ngunit siya mananatiling ganoon. Sana matangpuan ka ng iyong pamilya o kaya may mabuting puso na dalhin ka sa pagamutan para gumaling ka.

I thank GOD for the opportunity to met those people for me to learn how to be humble despite with those blessings that I received from Him. I believed He really prepare me for a big blessing and take care of it. You knew LORD what I’m asking for and it made me feel so grateful because You have prepare a great plan for me. For the opportunity You gave me, You made to be a better person and be thankful for all the blessings and trials He gave. I love You LORD. The more I know You, the more I fall in love with You.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


curious? Well, this blog post is just for my new crush. He is Zanjoe Marudo. I find him cute- the way he smile and stare. Parang nakita ko na siya personally no? oo, nakita ko na siya sa television! Right now, siya ang crush ko na artista. Tall, dark and handsome. Goodbye to Dingdong Dantes! Di ko na siya crush. Di na kasi siya tulad nung dati na chubby and I find him that time “cutie”.

“The Wedding” his new show with Anne Curtis and Derek Ramsey. Nakakakilig siya kahit paano.

Eyeglasses

Nearsighted. Right eye 70/20. Left eye 50/20.

This problem started when I was in first year college. I had difficulty reading things in far distance. The worst thing was I’m always at the back because of “ALPHABETICAL” seating arrangement! What would I expect my surname is always on the bottom of the class list! It seemed so difficult to copy notes either on the powerpoint presentation or visual aid in the blackboard. However, my classmates particularly my seat mates was understanding, while they were making their notes they also read it for or I simply borrow their notes for me to copy. I found this friend of mine my “mate”- classmate, seat mate and group mate. We are inseparable! Thanks to her for 12 months she was my eyeglasses.

I decided that I do something about it! I told my Mama that I want have an eye consultation and bought me eyeglasses. After that everything so fine and can see clearly with the used of eyeglasses.

Until now still I’m using my eyeglasses but that often. Sometimes I just leave it. There was an instance my friend thought me that I’m snob because I didn’t approach her when she found me and calls my name. I heard someone call my name but I didn’t recognized that she was calling me. “nung malapit na ako sa kanya sabi niya, grabe ka Grace tawag ako ng tawag sayo di mo man lang ako narecognize na ako yung tumatawag sayo” I apologized for that. “sorry po. nakita kita pero di ko alam na ikaw pala yan ngayon ko lang napagtanto na Makita kita sa malapitan.” One reason why didn’t wearing it outside because it looks I’m intelligent, knows everything which I’m not.

Now, I’m wishing to have contact lens it seems more comfortable and convenient to wear. Soon!

Ghost of the past

I hope this would be my last blog post for my dear special someone.
When I had my review last summer, I was preoccupied that he (J*****) will arrive from Manila. I was in Davao City that time for my review still there moments that I remember him and even asked myself if he is fine, if he is happy or sad, if there something bother him and I hope he is with someone who cared and loved him as much I did. I can’t resist on it I just miss you “Chum” (name that I used to call him) and I want to see you for the last time.

I made silly thing! I made an excuse just to go home to see him. Saturday night I went home for the reason I have: first I want to attend a Sunday mass in my home church and second to elucidate if he got home already. Exactly! He was there with his family attended the mass. Gushong! I see each other again. It was my awaited moment, sad to say he didn’t even smile on me or says a simple hi or hello.

I think there are some who didn’t understand why I can’t let go with the feelings I had for him simply because I can’t find any reason to forget my feelings with him or hate him for me to forget him easily. What he did that moment made me wake up in my longest dream and realized that it hurts me a lot. Pain scale of 10/10! There’s no reason to hold on with the past memories we have together. Now, it’s time to go. I hope it would not be too late. There were some who shown me love and care like you did for me but still I chose you. From the start I was unjust to myself because I didn’t give a chance to be free from that chain.

****written last May

Saturday, July 4, 2009

what, me WORRY?

I examined myself last night, how fine I am. Then I realized I am sick, very sick! I cried out loud in Him and confessed what I really feel. He knows everything about what inside my heart and mind. I am bombarded of anxious thoughts. I hate to admit that I’m a worrier. And precisely because there a lot of people like me, Jesus addressed this problem in Matthew 6:25-34 when He said: “Don’t worry about the basic needs of life-food, clothing, shelter –and don’t worry about tomorrow. Worry may be a symptom of a bigger problem. Sometimes it’s a lack of gratitude for the way God has cared for us in the past. Or perhaps it’s a lack of faith that God really is trustworthy. Or it may be a refusal to depend on God instead of ourselves.

Deep inside my heart I believe this things I experience right now just mere a test of faith. I can’t help it to thank Him and praise His name because He shown His love and care to me. Every trials I encountered, He always there for me as a source of strength and encourage to fight. He guides me where to go, assist me when I feel weak and lifted me when I stumble. Amazing! He really works! He never fails us and I felt guilty about it.

Someone shared me this wonderful SMS, a prayer that I think really designed for me to pray to Him. It said:
“Lord, thank You for Your infinite love that meet our every need and provides all the beautiful, wonderful things we experience in life. Release our hearts and minds from anger, fear and worry. Fill us with your peace, as we learn to fully trust in Your provision. Help us to do all that we are capable of and the rest, we entrust to you. In God’s name, we pray, Amen.

--------------this blog post written last July 1, 2009 Wednesday--------------

Monday, June 15, 2009

story of trust

A poor man prayed in earnest for his family. “Lord, we have depended so much on the kindness of others, now we seek a home to call our own. As you know, my body has become weak from this terrible illness which has finally left me and I have leaned so much on others that I don’t even know if I can stand on my own. I ask you , God, for the strength of body and spirit, wisdom, and to help provide a home for my darling wife and children.”

A tear fell down from the man’s eye.

A few days later, a kind and elderly widow heard of this father’s plight. “I have a plot of land you may have to build upon, but it is sorely overgrown with thick brush, trees, and large rocks. I will gladly give it to you, but it will be a laborsome undertaking”, she said. The man also knew this, yet he accepted the widow’s generous offer, knowing such an opportunity might not again pass. The man stood afar and surveyed his newly gained property. Looking up, he smiled and said, “Lord, I asked You for a home and You give me this gnarled forest? I will trust and be thankful for the gift before me.”

Several days into major undertaking of leveling the land off, the man slumped against the twentieth tree he cut by hand. Sweat poured from his body, which was covered by ruddy brown earth. “Lord!” he shouted, “Why did You choose this God-forsaken plot of land? Is this my punishment for not taking care of my family while sick these last few years? Is this type of loving God You are?” Exasperated, the man clenched his fist and went back to work, muttering to himself, “I will continue to trust.”

Several months past. Upon resting under the final tree to be removed, the man looked about him in wonder. Before him stood a beautiful plot of land to build a home. The lush forest surrounding the leveled area would provide good protection from the cold winter winds and offer an abundant supply of firewood to keep warm. In a large pile next to the leveled earth, were neatly stacked tree trunks. They would make excellent logs to build a cabin. Ashamed for thinking God had left him in his most dire time of need, the man rested his head in his hands. Suddenly, he looked in to his palms. These were not the same weak hands that could barely grasp a cup to drink from. Instead, they were strong and fit, as was the rest of his body from the many months of hard physical labor. The man looked up and smiled, saying, “My dear God, thank you. You answered my prayer, even in my worst moments of doubt. You took my weakness and turned it into strength and my lack of understanding, into wisdom. I will rest a while now, and begin to build my family a house.”

Sunday, June 7, 2009

daghang salamat!

Fin! Finished! Tapos!
katatapos lang ng PNLE. I know its not the END it just mere beginning. a new chapter of my life.
To our Almighty God who never leave me especially in my down moments. You lift and guide me. Thank you Lord for showing great love to me. I claim what You have promised. Thank you for the license I will get that on or before October. :-)

For all the support and prayers of my mama and papa, aunt doding ang uncle demet, kuya rene and ate annie, kuya dondon, kring2x, kokong, gelo, my classmates and batch mates (alam niyo na kung sinu-sino kayo), board mates especially june, lina, mark, cha2x and others, co-CYF in UCCP Panabo (pasensya na kung di ko sinabi sa inyo), my friends, my childhood friend April (present lage! record breaking siya. lage present e! hehehe)and last but not the least ang aking mahal na bestfriend na lage anjan mula noong nakilala ko siya. He proves that distance really doesn't matter and he gave another meaning of friendship. Sa inyong lahat na nagsilbi lakas at inspirasyon upang lumaban.

Thank you for sharing you lives with me.

Megumi,R.N.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Monster

I can’t believe it! Now I’m taking up my review for the up coming PNLE. Still uncertain with my reason why I choose to take it this June 2009. Come to think of it there is November PNLE for that duration of time I can prepare myself- mentally and emotionally but I had this thought even that given time I cant guarantee myself that I am prepare. “Why Megumi? Why you chose to take PNLE this June?” It runs in my mind, to veins and it's like tinnitus- ringing in my ears. This question asked from a friend and I reflect about it. "WHY?" I don’t have a definite answer on it. One thing I am sure this I want and no one forced me. I want to a nurse. Soon! I prayed for it! I do believe I am here with a reason not just mere an accident.
Now, there is no way to run. I had gone these far and now 600 hours for my awaited time I would face my first fray as a graduate. I am 3mm in size compared with my foe-board exam. It is like a MONSTER in my nightmare which results to wake at the middle of my deep sleep. Or like a dragon, a 40 storey building in height with a great ball on its mouth which a barrier for the wanted. If I compared myself to them they can kill me. I can describe myself like story of David and Goliath. On the battle field I had only my weapon a barbecue stick- my knowledge, determination, courage and my faith to GOD that He will help me. I know there is a small possibility to win or nothing at all.

I'm offering my simple prayer:

Lord, I humbly pray for you wisdom and the courage to conquer my fear. I claimed on what You have promised Lord. Thank you in advance. Be my strength and shield me with your Holy blood. Hear my prayers Oh Lord. I honor you and praise your name. Amen.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

exhausted

recently, i taking up my review for PNLE for this coming June.
I feel soooooooo exhausted and i cant convey the right adjective about what I really feel.
I feel so anxious! Based on our review I'm now in Mild anxiety level! Low serotonin level which results to desturbed sleeping pattern and feeling unhappy.
gush! I'm preoccupied a lot of things- "pano kung di ako makapasa?", "antalino ng mga kasama ko. ako naman? Im just an average student!" Ang sama ko I'm comparing myself to other people. Another thing, I see my parents na medyo nahihirapan sila sa kalagayan namin ngayon. Right now, my father taking up his "schooling" here in davao city kaya pareho kame ni papa na andito sa davao everyday siya umuwe sa amin kaya ang gastos and everything lumalaki din. Si mama ang kawawa nahihirapan na sa pagbabudget na pera para sa gastusin. Sagad na palabigasan! este! babuyan pala, yun ang meron kame.. joke lang! mukhang seryoso naman ang post na eto..

I know kaya ko eto pero... di ko lang maiwasan na isipin ang mga bagay na eto.
I have faith with God, my GREAT PROVIDER and He always keep His promises. Forgive me oh Lord for being such. Help me! Help me!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

seeing you again?

it sunday!

this sunday there something special..

i thought he arrived already from manila..

sad to say he was not around.

today, i attended the first service and to be honest I am expecting he would there also. I saw his parents, sister and grandpa but he was not there.

I looked for him. I even used my peripheral vision that morning frequently in looking for him. at di ako makaconcentrate! OMG! still my heart longing to see him kahit sa ganoong paraan mapawi ang pagkamiss ko sa kanya.

I saw a guy I thought siya yun together with her girl. Nasambit ko sa aking sarili kung siya nga yun, well, i think it is the best time to close my door with him. The unended story we had. But then, mali ako. When that day would come, well, it is the BEST TIME FOR MYSELF TO SET FREE FROM HIM, FROM HIS SHADOW, FROM THE HAPPY MOMENTS WE SHARED TOGETHER and open myself to other person because somewhere somehow there is man waiting for me or me myself need to open my heart to other man and experience how wonderful to love and to be loved.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

goodbye?

I really hate goodbye.
I am thinking the upcoming graduation and it quiet approaching.
Can I stop the time?
Well, it is impossible to happen.

Lately, I didn't think about this thing but now I'm thinking of it and I think the upcoming week is a really hard time for a senior student like me. A lot of things to miss with my co-board mates, classmates, batch mates, my clinical instructors, general education instructors, etc. In my four years in college really wonderful one. I experience how to be independent and I able to make decisions by my own based from the advices and suggestions of my parents and love ones. For the first time I really that I am FREE from the cage and chain of control or suppression.

to be continued......

we belong!

Psalm 139:13-15 (New International Version)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

Thoughts:

Everyone wants to belong. Wants to be part of a crowd. But still, the question is, are we rightfully fitted to be part of the crowd? When that question starts bugging us, we start questioning about who we really are. and eventually, it causes our sself-esteem to get down into zero.

Little do people know, that the best way to boost our self-esteem is to turn to the extravagant being who created them. And that is GOD. He knows us full well. He created us! He knows our inmost being. He made us through his likeness.

We are made alive because GOD wanted to create us. Nothing in our lives is arbitrary. It's all for a purpose. GOD made us with a purpose. GOS|D determined the natural talents that we would possess and the uniqueness of our personality. Through HIM we can stand with confidence that we all have the abilities and skills to excel in whatever we go.

Monday, March 16, 2009

solitary

Its harder for me to sleep now.
I thought, I'm better off alone.
But maybe they are right.
Maybe it would be nicer to spend your time with someone you love.
Someone means something to you.
Maybe I'll try it, not for now.
But soon.
Soon enough when I find to share my life with.
-Singles' journal

Sunday, March 15, 2009

My simple thanks

Every one wants feel special.

For me any thing you made something for me big or small, I do treasure it in my heart.
Last March 10 Tuesday, I celebrate my birthday (how old I am? better to keep it myself. hehehe I not that old nor young as you think.)
When I woke up that day, as I check my cellphone I don't receive any sms message. They forgot that it was my day. I said to myself it was too early to think about it. They will greet me anyway not that moment. Then, I got a message from close friend and at the same time my classmate named Ronnel asking me "asa ka grace? what time ka punta school?". Grrr.. nakakainis akala ko babatiin na ako yun pala hindi. I answered him and told him "ganyan ka nakalimutan mo na today is my birthday..huhuhu " And he answered me, "wait! I something for grasya. part ito na di muna kita babatiin para may thrill".
I came to school that day with a lot of things to do I set my mind that it would be a busy day and I think I can't enjoy this day. We had our finals exam on our major subjects.

To admit, I expect that a lot of people will greet me that day. (goal met ako doon!hehehe madami nga and I feel happy about it.) Partly, I am sad because my best of friends Gina and Mitchelle didn't greet even in my friendster or just a simple sms message I don't received from them anything. Magtatampo nga rin sana ako sa bestfriend kong si Aaron. Siya rin may gimik haaay.. I thought he forgot me also. hmpf.

To summed it up, that day was a wonderful. A lot of things to give thanks with.

My parents and relatives who inspired me at all times, served as my strength and give their enduring support in my every pace of my life.

To my friends and classmates who were there for me who shared their tears and laughters with me. Thank you Ronnel and Neri you open my heart and mind to trust again a friend.

To my bestfriend Aaron who been there for me especially when I am down and feel so weak. He became my great listener. Though we did not see each other for 12 months and 110 days it is not hindrance to keep the friendship we had. I do treasure the friendship I found on you. Trust me as your best friend.

To April my dear childhood friend, who really knows me from the very beginning. I do treasure you as my friend and my sister. You are such a wonderful gift! Ever since, di pa tayo nag-away if that day will come I don't know what to do.


video

Gift from Ronnel. He made this movie for me. :-)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Tomorrow is the start of a busy days two days clinical rotation in operating room, another two days for seminar that we are going to facilitate, two days duty in Community Health Organization after that we'll have our class from 5 o'clock in the afternoon until 9 o'clock in evening.
A lot of stuffs to do and I think 24 hours is not enough to finish those things.
However, I still optimistic that we can do it.

ga-graduate din ako sana sa this coming March!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Muling Pagkikita

Muabot na jud siya. Sure jud ko. Kung wala pa siya karon maybe next Sunday naa na jud siya.”, nasambit ko sa aking sarili noong nasa bus ako at papauwi sa aming lugar.

Tama ako dumating na nga siya galing Manila. I’m glad to see him. Last December 21, 2008, Sunday at una naming pagkikita mula nang umuwi para mag Christmas vacation. Nagkita kame sa simbahan. Chance maybe? Kase papauwi na siya kasama ng kanyang kapatid na babae at ako kakarating ko lang galing Davao. Dumertso na ako ng simbahan para makapagsimba.

About the moment I saw him-parang wala lang. Oo nandoon nga siya, paki ko? Di na tulad noong dati. Dati rati kasi noong una siyang umuwi, first year college pa ako noon –palpitate noted, namumula, nanlalamig, di mapakali, di alam ang gagawin, di alam kung ano ang gagawin. Isn’t weird, right? Haay ewan. I don’t know what the exact word to describe myself that time. Nang Makita ko siya di na ako nagulat. Mukhang naihanda ko na nga ang sarili ko sa pagdating niya. Aaminin ko hanggang ngayon hirap akong kalimutan siya kasi nga wala akong sapat na dahilan na gawin yun sa kanya. Mula noong umalis siya, mga magagandang alaala na iniwan niya ay tanging binabalikan. Minahal niya ako at ganoon din ako sa kanya. I let him go for him to find her girl. But I didn’t give myself a chance to look for another guy to love and to be loved.

To tell you frankly, I’m happy the moment I saw him. Siguro meron pa nga natirang feelings but it’s not enough. Hanggang doon na lang yun. I need myself to be free from his shadow. It is true that as time goes by wounds will heal and the pain will ease but the scar still there which reminds the pain I feel before. I really don’t know the exact time but it will come. Soon!

Self Criticism

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil tingin ko napakabobo ko. Mula sa mga lecture discussion na meron kami parang lahat ng yun ay walang naiwan sa utak ko. Haay, ewan ko ba. I feel guilty and pity about myself. I feel guilty because in my level I’m supposed to know everything but the truth is I am not that one. I feel pity about myself. Nakakaawa nga ako. I have something to do about it!

I listen with our class discussion, ward class, I read books and articles but I think it’s not enough. May mga pagkakataon sa mga clinical exposure namin na tinatanong ako ng Clinical Instructor namin pero hindi ako makasagot. In the moment that the Clinical Instructor will tell the answer and explain, sometimes I said to myself “alam ko yun ah nabasa ko na yun o nadiscuss na yun ng Clinical instructor naming last rotation bakit di ko yun nasagot?” Naunahan ako ng takot at pangamba baka mali ang sagot ko mas mabuti pa di sumagot at magkunwari na walang alam. I think this kind of attitude is bad and need to be change.

Alam ko na hindi naman ako ganoon katalino ngunit nais ko lamang na bilang isang estudyante dapat may alam ako nang magamit ko sa lahat ng oras. Isa pa mababa ang self-confidence ko may alam nga pero di naman alam kung paano ishare ang nalalaman sa iba o kaya walang lakas ng loob na sumagot lalo na pag oral recitation dahil mas iniisip ang sasabihin at iniiwasan na punain ng iba.

Kailan ako kikilos? Bukas? sa makalawa? Sa susunod na araw? Dapat ngayon na habang maaga pa at lahat ng pagkakataon ay nasa akin pa! Sa pamamagitan ng paghayag ng aking nadarama, nagpapakita ng aking munting hakbang ng aking pagbabago. Sana gabayan ako ng Maykapal. Alam ko di Niya ako iiwan. Andyan Siya sa lahat ng oras.

Buhok

“nagpaputol ka ug buhok Grace?”

“hala ningmubo lagi imong buhok, nagpaputol ka? Saying kaayo imong buhok taas n abaya kaayo to.” Those comments made by my friends the moment they see me with my new hair cut.

Nagulat ako sa mga reaction nila. Nagpagupit ako ng buhok para naman maiba kahit papaano. Hindi naman siya ganoon kaiksi pero halata talagang nagpagupit ako. Marami ang nanghinayang kung bakit ako nagpagupit pero hahaba naman ulit, diba? Paano na lang kay kung nagpa-straight ako ng buhok? Ano na lang ang kanilang magiging reaction. Well, talagang ganoon eh.

;;